Recount One's Grief

One often calms one's grief by recounting it.

~Pierre Corneille~

In these times of rapid change, finding the time to really listen to people is an invaluable source of comfort for us and others. We need not solve or resolve, but rather hold others with compassion.  Allow the stories to unfold, be recounted, so the healing journey can progress.

Shock and Testing part of grief phases

In my research I came across a list of grief phases that includes two more than the Kubler-Ross version.  I like this broken out version.   For more detail follow the link.

Source: Hospice Foundation of America

• Shock stage: Initial paralysis at hearing the bad news.

• Denial stage: Trying to avoid the inevitable.

• Anger stage: Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion.

• Bargaining stage: Seeking in vain for a way out.

• Depression stage: Final realization of the inevitable.

• Testing stage: Seeking realistic solutions.

• Acceptance stage: Finally finding the way forward.

Quote for Grief

What soap is for the body, tears are for the soul.

~Jewish Proverb~

Problems with Grief Phases

While searching for websites with information on grief, I came across one which explains outcomes of the grief process. "A common problem with the phases of the grief cycle is that people can get stuck in one phase. Thus a person may become stuck in denial, never moving on from the position of not accepting the inevitable future. When it happens, they still keep on denying it, such as the person who has lost their job still going into the city only to sit on a park bench all day.

Getting stuck in denial is common in 'cool' cultures (such as in Britain, particularly Southern England) where expressing anger is not acceptable. The person may feel that anger, but may then repress it, bottling it up inside.
Likewise, a person may be stuck in permanent anger (which is itself a form of flight from reality) or repeated bargaining. It is more difficult to get stuck in active states than in passivity, and getting stuck in depression is perhaps a more common ailment."  Read more on this topic.

Quote for Grief Reflection

If you're going through hell, keep going.  ~Winston Churchill

Phases involved in Grief

Although there are many theories about the emotional path grief takes most grief therapists agree about the general phases involved.

Denial:  “This can’t be happening to me.”

Anger:  “Why is this happening?  Who is to blame?”

Bargaining:  “Make this not happen, and in return I will____.”

Depression:   “I’m too sad to do anything.”

Acceptance:  “I’m at peace with what happened.”

Keep in mind these phases don’t have to take a set order.  Grieving can be very much like a roller coaster full of ups, downs, highs and lows.

Grief a Human Response to loss

Grief is the human response to loss of many kinds. Grief is the emotion felt when something or someone of great import and love is taken away. Although grief is most commonly associated with death, it can actually be a response to other loss.

Examples of such loss are: a relationship breakup, loss of health, loss of a job, loss of financial stability, a miscarriage, death of a pet, loss of a dream, concern over a loved one’s serious illness, loss of friendship, loss of safety after a trauma, loss of a job, retiring from a job, loss of a way of life, moving from home, concern for earth and global strife. Generally, the more significant the loss for a person, the more intense the emotional outpouring of the grief.

Have you experienced grief? What have you done with the emotional response?